Hey y'all.  I know I said I was gonna do better about keeping up with entries and whatnot, but I'm gonna be honest, I just can't do it right now.  My head's all fucked up and it just seems to be getting worse and worse every day.  I used to joke about being crazy, but I don't think it's a joke anymore.  I'm not like, a raving lunatic or anything, but I'm not right.  My memory totally blows, I can't remember simple things anymore, I'll be asked to do something or decide to do something and five minutes later I've already forgotten and someone has to remind me.  My head is a scary place nowadays but I can't help but want to just live in it and be left alone.  My lumber room (where I keep all the shit I don't or can't deal with) isn't working right, it keeps letting shit out at random times and it just fucks me all up for hours at a time.  I'll be folding laundry or washing dishes and suddenly I'm fully immersed in that night, feeling him hit me or choke me, hearing him call me a filthy whore, seeing his face twisted in total hatred and when it goes away I'm just a mess for a while. 

The only thing I've found that makes it any better is to get high, and that's how I've been dealing with it, smoke a joint and then plug my earphones in and get lost in the Carnival for a while.  But I can't do that very often, I still have kids to take care of and an excuse of a life to live.  I'm stuck living in reality and reality is slowly driving me mad.  All I want is to disappear inside my head and be left alone.  

I guess the whole point of this post is to let y'all know that I'm not gonna be around for a while.  I don't know how long I'll be gone, I guess until I find a way to fix myself and get somewhat back to normal.  And I have no clue where to start with that.  I'll miss you girls, but right now I just can't function.  Hopefully y'all will still be around when I get better.  I will fix myself, I have to.  My kids don't deserve a mom that can't think straight, none of this is their fault.

Emily, Debs, I was nosing around on Lords of Pain, and I found a column that made me think of y'all.  Cardiff is mentioned more than once and apparently the guy that wrote this is Welsh.  Thought it might interest y'all.


http://www.lordsofpain.net/news/2008_/1226722763.php


Um, I think my love of Jeff has had some new life breathed into it after watching SD last night, the face paint is fucking awesome on him, he needs to wear it on a regular basis from now on.  A lot of folks have said that he looks like the Joker from the Dark Knight movie, but I haven't seen the movie so I have to take their word for it.  And the match against Taker was pretty damn good also, it thrilled me to no end to see him get a clean win over the Dead Man.  Matt's match against Shelton wasn't bad either, and the fact that both Hardys won on the same night is just really cool.  Maybe WWE is getting better, shocking as that is to say. 

Unfortunately I missed Impact the other night, which really sucks and I forgot that the replays have changed time and day so I missed that too.  Damn kids just fuck me all up from watching wresting most of the time.  I think in the past month I've seen maybe three or four shows in their entirety.  Thank God for the Net or I would have no idea what's going on anymore.

In other random news, my sister-in-law has a Ceiling Cat.  Literally.  There's a hole in the ceiling of her bedroom and stuffed inside of it with it's head and front paws sticking out is a plush cat.  It's right above her computer and it amuses me every time I see it.  I told her that if she ever got a hole in the floor she needed to put a plush black cat  in it and it could be Basement Cat.  Then I had to explain to her about the lolcats and show her the I Can Haz Cheezeburger site.

Alright, I tried the going through everyone's LJ and doing individual comments, but I ran out of steam after only reading Debs' and Emily's LJ's.  Those two are insane and I think I might be psychologically scarred from the alien post in Emily's.  Although I have to admit I didn't think it was possible for me to get any more scarred than I already am.  So I am just going to start fresh and comment as soon as I read.  If I've missed anything important, let me know, I've been living in the land of bzuh lately so I'm pretty out of the loop.

I have been watching wrestlig though, and when I don't watch, I read about it.  I really hope Christian doesn't go back to WWE, he'll never be a top guy there like he is in TNA and I see him being stuck in either mid-card hell or tag-team hell and he's too good for either of them.  And for all we know, all this could just be a work and Christian's not going anywhere.  While I would love to see him face off against Matt or Jeff, or both for that matter, he needs to stay in TNA.

The whole Main Even Mafia storyline is interesting, for all that it smacks of The MIllionaires Club, but storylines get recycled all the time, just like movie ideas get recycled on a regualr basis.  I don't see Christian willingly joining them, for all that he lost against Booker the other night.  And was I the only one that wanted to see AJ win the title from Sting?  Probably not, considering who's on my flist.  I'm gonna see about downloading Turning Point considering I'm using a computer that can do bit torrents, I want to see the whole show, and to be honest, once I read that ICP was there for a couple of the matches, I was determined to see it.  Clown love is a bitch sometimes....

WWE is a mess lately, the best thing going, in my eyes at least, is Jeff's storyline on SD.  I've been waiting for years for him to turn heel and now it looks like he's going to do it.  Clocking Taker with a chair is a good way to become a heel, not to mention it'll get him in a high profile feud since HHH is busy with Koslov and I think we're all tired of Taker/Show.  And this is going to sound strange, but I think I'll miss Mike Adamle.  He was actually growing into his GM role and he wasn't half bad.

As for my personal life, well, it's still a busy chaotic mess, kids have to be taken care of, the house has to be cleaned, laundry has to be done, no matter that my emotional world is an upside down ball of shit and I don't know what to do from one day to the next most of the time.  I'm so damn confused lately.  One minute I'll be missing Joey like crazy and then a scene from that night will flash through my mind and I feel like I never want to see him again.  I've seen him recently, he had to come out to the house to watch the kids while I went to a baby shower, and it was weird as fuck.  I was so glad to see him and when he hugged me all I could do was cry and think that I never wanted to be without him again.  But I just can't forget what happened that night and every time I think about it, it makes me sick to my stomach.

Other than that, life is pretty normal around here, the kids go to school every day, I talk to toddlers all day and when I need adult conversation I find my brother or call Joey.  Speaking of, I promised I'd call him once the little ones were down for a nap, it's hard as hell to have a phone conversation with them under my feet and hollering "Momma!" every ten seconds to point out a bug or a plane in the sky.  And they refuse to be ignored, I've tried that, just not answering them, and the cries of   "Momma!"  just get more and more impatient and louder each time.  Kids.  I used to wish they would talk, now I wish that they would shut the hell up sometimes......

Well, I'm a hell of a lot better now.  I'm almost healed up completely, I had to have surgery on one of my cheekbones which was broken and all the swelling has gone down and my bruises are fading pretty quickly.  I almost look normal again instead of like a car crash victim.  I'm still sore, but I've got painkillers for that and all in all, I'm doing a lot better now. 

I love all you girls for the support and well wishes, thank you all so much, y'all made me feel so much better.  Between y'all and my in-laws, I had the support system to make it through this without losing my mind.  Taking care of the kids also helped a lot, it got my mind off of things quite frequently.

I'm no longer of the mind to divorce Joey, and let me explain why.  Joey has a history of mental instability, he was discharged from the military for it and I understand this.  I also know that alcohol can trigger that instability, I've seen it happen before.  Therefore Joey quit drinking a long while ago.  Well, between the two of us we came up with the bright idea that since he had to clean his system of weed so he could find a job, having a few drinks wouldn't hurt anything, it would make him piss like crazy and therefore clean his system.  He doesn't always flip out when he drinks, and we figured it had been so long since he'd drank anything that it would all be okay, the chances of him flipping out were pretty slim.  Turned out we were both wrong.  He flipped out and basically beat the shit out of me.  One minute he was fine, things were going great and then, in an instant, he changed.  I saw it happen.  His whole demeanor changed, his eyes were different, it was like looking at a stranger in my husband's body.  And then he clocked me upside the head, called me a fucking whore and I visited hell for a while.

I don't know what brought him out of it, but after I don't know how long, he suddenly let go of me and turned back into Joey.  He said  "What the fuck are we doing?"  And I said  "I don't know about you, but I'm getting the shit beat out of me."  And I came in the house, got in the shower and cried like one of my kids died or something.  He stuck his head in the bathroom door, told me he was leaving and didn't know where he was going and that was the last time I saw him.  My in-laws took me to the hospital, I spent a couple of days there and came home.

I've talked to Joey quite often since then, and he's apologized all over himself, I've listened to him cry, and everyone else that's seen him says he's kicking his own ass harder than anyone else ever could and he looks like he's aged ten years.  I'm no longer angry with him and I'm doing everything I can to get that restraining order lifted so I can see him.  I have come to accept that I bear blame for part of all this happening, I knew he could possibly flip out and lose it, yet I stayed there and drank with him anyway.  I was just as stupid as him on that score and I've made my peace with that.  I also know that I didn't deserve to get my ass beat, no matter what and that's his burden to bear.  I don't think he'll ever make peace with that, and I won't either, but I can learn to accept that Joey would never have touched me in anger if he hadn't been drinking.  

He wasn't himself at all, and I don't think it was me he was hitting either.  He doesn't remember any of it, he never does when he flips out, so he can't tell me what he was thinking or anything, but I know for a fact that it wasn't Joey during that time.  Everything about him was different, like I said, it was like looking at a stranger wearing my husband's body.  He intends to get mental help, he's already called a few places, but they all tell him the same thing, they can't do anything unless he comes to them in that alternate state.  And that's not possible, he has no control over it.  It's like a Catch 22, y'know?

I've talked to the cops and given them my statement and I've dropped all charges against Joey.  I know that the state can pick them up and press them anyway, but they won't get any help from me and they know it.  I made that clear when I gave my statement.  And they're gonna look awfully funny trying to prosecute Joey when their star witness is sitting with the defense and refusing to help them.

So, yeah, that's what's going on, and it's all about to drive me insane.  If I could just see him and talk to him face to face I would feel so much better, but if we're caught together he goes back to jail and it's a 50,000 bond to get him out and no one has that kind of money so we have to abide by the order.  It sucks and I want to see him, but that's just the way things are.

I haven't been online much but I will go through y'all's journals, it'll be easier than going through my flist and looking for y'all's entries.  I don't know when I'll get to it, my life is still insanely busy but I will get to it, I promise.  I love you girls and thank you once again for all the support, it was sorely needed.

Hi guys, I'm still alive, but barely.  I just got out of the hospital tonight.  Saturday night Joey got drunk and literally beat the shit out of me.  I've had surgery to repair broken bones in my face, I've got stitches in various places and my whole face is swollen and bruised.  Joey's been arrested and the cops put a 61 day restraining order on him, he cannot be anywhere near me, like 300 feet I think.  I don't know exactly what I'm gonna do, but I don't see me staying with Joe after all this.

I have to make this short, I can barely see, but I wanted to let you girls know what was going on.

First thing, I know I'm behind on flisting and I apologize, but my life has been turned upside down in the last 24 hours or so.  Joey lost his job, through no fault of his own, it's a long story and Georgia Pacific is actually in the wrong, but we don't have the time or money to argue it.  It's a forgone conclusion that we can't afford to keep the  house, the rent is behind, the lights are behind, the water is behind, and there is just no way to catch it all up now that he's unemployed.  But we do have a plan.  Joey's going to go back to driving 18 wheelers for a living.  He used to be a trucker and he's kept his license for it current, and he already knows of two or three companies that are hiring, so it shouldn't be too hard for him to find another job.  The only issue is we don't have enough money between now and when he'll start getting paid, everything's gonna end up getting cut off anyway.  So we're going to move back in with his mom.  I am not looking forward to it, but there's just no other option.  THe good news is, we won't be responsible for all the bills over there, although we're definintely going to help pay them, I won't be putting out near as much money.  Momma and I are both on food stamps, so that's less money to put out, and keeping gas in my van is going to be a lot cheaper since he won't have to drive to work everyday and I don't go too many places.  It shouldn't take us too long to save enough money to get our own place again.  At least that's the theory.  Whether it works in practice or not is yet to be determined, but I think we can make it out of Momma's by maybe the first of the year.  If nothing else, we'll get our taxes back in February and we can find our own place then.

I ain't crazy about livng in Momma's house, I have issues with my sister-in-law, but she's the only one and I think we can keep out of each other's way pretty much.  It's not like we hate each other, but she tries to tell me how to raise my kids and I hate that shit.  I've never said a word to her about her parenting skills, which are severly lacking and I would appreciate it if she would return the favor, but that's not in her nature.  But other than that, it shouldn't be too bad to stay at Momma's.  I get to live with my best friend, Trinity, and that's just all kinds of awesome.  My kids will be going to a better school, I prefer Onalaska's school system to Corrigan-Camden's, Onalaska's makes more sense and I like the teachers there a lot better.

I'm pretty sure that when I do get my own place it's going to be right there in Onalaska, it's where the family is, and I don't want to make my kids change schools again.  Not to mention that just about everyone I know in RL lives in Onalaska and I won't be allowed to be such a recluse, which can only be good for me.  I used to be a very social person and I kinda miss it.  Joey'll feel better about me being alone at night now since it won't be just me and four kids.  It's never really bothered me, except for the night I got those weird assed phone calls that resulted in me getting my number changed.

I hate that he's going back to driving truck, I don't see him for three weeks or more and then he's only home for a few days before he's gone for another three weeks.  But as long as they give him the miles to drive to make enough money, I can deal with it.  And it's not like I'm going to be alone, even when I do get my own house, Trinity and his friends are going to be constant company.  So it's all gonna work out, but fuck, I'm gonna hate all the bullshit until then.

Now I get to spend days packing and cleaning.  The best news of that is Joey'll be here to help me, it's not like he's got a job to go to at the moment, so it'll get done that much quicker.  I have to rent a storage space for most of my shit, all I plan on keeping at Momma's is clothes and the bare minimum of what we need for daily life.  And my computer.  There's four computers in that house, but I need my own 'cause it's got all my writing on it and well, fuck, it's my computer, y'know?  I don't know if I'll bother to put Internet access on mine, James and Chris are pretty easy about me using their computers, but I still need mine for my writing.  Joey's gonna drag his truck across the junkyard scales, which upsets me, he really likes his truck, but we need the money and I can't drive the truck anyway, it's a three-speed standard and you shift it on the steering column, and yeah, I'd never get the hang of it.

So, that's what's going on here, I swear, when it rains, it fucking pours.  Shit has just been all fucked up for me since that damn hurricane, but it's cool.  We'll be alright, we always are, we've been through worse and survived, so we can handle this.  Hell, it's basically another chance to start over, and I could use it, so I might as well be positive about it.  The die is cast, so to speak, so why worry about the negative shit?

And hey, they have satellite service, that means I don't gotta miss wrestling anymore!!!!  And my babies can have their shows back!!!  Yet another silver lining.  Yeah, I can do this.......

Shamelessly stole both of these from rkowhore79 . 

( Ten to One Meme )


( Movie Meme )

Jesus, I'm horribly behind on my flist and I is playing catch up, I promise.  Might take me a little while, but I is trying. 

Debs has created an awesome comm dedicated to AJ Styles.  It's brand new, so there ain't much yet, but I have all the faith in the world that it won't stay that way for long.  She's already got me hooked with the first pic of the day, that man is just too gorgeous for words.  So yeah, if you like AJ, go check it out.  thestylesclash   Anything AJ related is more than welcome and if you own a comm and want to affiliate with it, I'm sure Debs would be more than happy about it.

The Hardy list has pretty much exploded with fic and I intend to catch up on it all, but it's really difficult to get into a fic when a three year old and a two year old are running through the house yelling and laughing and demanding my attention every three minutes.  My life people.  It's chaos.  I think eight o'clock at night is my favorite time 'cause by then the little ones are asleep, the older ones are immersed in homework and the house is relatively quiet.  That's usually when I read fic or do some writing of my own.  Although I can't quite get the muses in my head to understand they're better off leaving me alone until then, they want to play at the most inopportune moments.  Whoever said we were supposed to have control over our brains most defintiely was not a fiction writer. 

Things here are pretty much back to normal, or as normal as they're gonna get for a while.  Money is still an issue, but I think I can work everything out.  The best news is I'm on food stamps for the next month or so, so that's a huge weight off my shoulders, it's fucking expensive to feed six people on a daily basis, and that's buying the cheap convience foods, like Hamburger Helper and whatnot.  The other piece of good news I have is that my Internet is in no danger of being cut off, at least until the end of next month, and hopefully by then I can have everything straightened out.  They say hope springs eternal and all that and I'm really trying to believe that.  As long as my landlord isn't planning on being a dick about the rent, I think things will be fine.  I haven't seen him yet and I can't call him 'cause his number is long distance and unfortunately, I have no long distance on my phone at this time.  It's the first thing they cut off when I don't pay the bill.  I also have no satellite for the TV, which means my kids don't have their shows to watch and they're really unamused with that fact of life.  But still, I'm not bitching, I'm in a much better position than a lot of people.  Hurricane Ike was a bump in the road for me and mine, for a lot of folks it was a life-changing disaster.  Just looking at the pictures of total destruction in Galveston and the surrounding areas makes me ten times more grateful that I came through it so lightly.

I have been rather productive today.  I've cooked twice for the kids' meals, had a phone conference with John's teachers, cleaned the house, done a load of laundry and still found time to take care of some online things.  And I still have a lot left to do.  Grocery shopping when Joe gets back, I have to go out to the in-laws house and get some of the stuff we left there, the main thing being the USB cord that connects my MP3 player to my computer, I believe it's still plugged into Chris' computer.  I've downloaded a few more songs and I need the cord to get them from the computer to the player, not to mention, that's also how I charge my player, the battery is close to dead.  Then I get to come home, cook dinner, put kids to bed and help the older ones with their homework.  I wonder how I'd go about adding more hours to the day.......

My life has gotten immensely better, all in the span of 24 hours.  I am now home, my lights are on, Joey's back to working his regular shift at the factory and life is a hell of  a lot more normal than it was.  My mom-in-law gave us some money for gas, where she got it from I don't know, but I certainly appreciate it.  She gave us most of the food that was at her house, and we packed up and came home yesterday.  My yard is full of tree branches and various debris, and my house smells like it's been unoccupied for six months and there were piles of cat shit in my living room, but all that was easily fixable.  I'm just thrilled to be home again.  Unfortunately, I have no satellite TV for the kids, but  I can deal with that.  A DVD player, stack of movies and the XBox 360 go a long way to keeping them occupied.  That and the trampoline outside will help me keep my sanity.

Now the big question is whether the light company and water company will work with me to keep all my shit going until I can get it caught up payment wise.  I won't know that until tomorrow since it's the weekend and none of that shit is open.  I'll probably lose Internet for a while, the bill came due yesterday and I won't have the money for it for a while.  Right now a hundred dollars for Internet just isn't smart, I can use that money on my lights or rent.  Oh fuck, the rent.  I just thought about that shit.  Well, my landlord is a decent sensible man, and he went through the same hurricane so he should work with me.  I hope.  Not that it really matters, by the laws here, he can't kick us out for not paying the rent due to natural disaster.  So, yeah, money is gonna be really tight for a while, but we'll make it somehow, we always do.

I've been catching up on the wrestling news, and once again Jeff has made the IWC explode, through no fault of his own.  Do people not realize that Jeff always looks "intoxicated"?  And why the fuck would him being drunk during his time off from work have anything to do with the Wellness policy?  He's not wrestling drunk, so what's the big deal?  Stone Cold made his career on being a drunk redneck, swilling down beer in the middle of the ring, and Jeff's gonna lose his job 'cause he was drinking after work hours, so to speak?  Please, kill me now, 'kay?  Santino gets a DUI and it's comedy fodder for the following episode of Raw.  Not to mention that Randy Orton has done all kinds of fucked up shit and he still has a job.  Sometimes the IWC hate for Jeff just sickens me.

Matt's last blog was interesting, for lack of a better word.  Jeff was weed-eating at six-thirty in the morning?  Dude is strange.  Who the hell weed-eats at six-thirty a.m.?  Beth must be a saint to put up with him sometimes.  Or she's just as off-the-wall as he is.  Not sure which.  She seems pretty normal, but who knows?

I missed TNA Thursday night 'cause my other half had to watch the season finale of Burn Notice, which wasn't really a bad deal, I follow the show too and I was curious as to who had burned him, but of course, there was no clear answer.  But then there couldn't be a clear answer 'cause then what would they do for the next season of shows?  Ah well, I'm gonna be missing wrestling for a while anyway, might as well get used to it.

As an interesting side note, I just washed John's mouth out with dish liquid, backhanded him, grounded him from the XBox and sent him to his room.  Our pit bull was scrapping with the neighbor's dog under the porch and John didn't realize I had walked out the door to see what the hell was going on.  He jumped off the trampoline and I quote "What the hell?  Bone, get your ass over here, bitch!"  And it was obvious he talks like that all the time, it sounded way too natural coming out of his mouth.  I know I'm partially to blame for that, I cuss like no one's business and so does everyone else in the family, but he knows what the cuss words are and that he's not allowed to use them, he's ten years old, he damn well old enough to know he's cussing and it's wrong.  God, kids drive me insane on a daily basis.  But I wouldn't change any of it, no matter how crazy it gets.  I'd much rather have my kids and deal with the bullshit than not have them at all.

Am now off to clean up breakfast mess and do a load of laundry.  Yeah, life's gone back to normal and I couldn't be happier!

Just a quick update.  We have lights and running water at my in-laws' house now, lemme tell you, it makes life a lot easier when you can turn on a light and wash your ass.  I've spent the last two hours washing dishes and cleaning the kitchen and I'm about to go put myself in the shower.  I've never gone a week without one and I feel positively grimy.  I still don't have lights at my house, and even if I did, I couldn't go home.  We're broke and we have no food at my house, we brought it all over here.  And my in-laws are in a pretty bad way too, so it's better if we stick together and pool what we have.  I don't know when Joey's going back to work, the factory is still without lights and there was some damage to it, so that's really up in the air.  The good news is I've applied for disaster aid/relief, and the state is hooking up disaster victims with two months of food stamps, as long as we can make it to the nearest welfare office to apply, which isn't an issue for me, my van still runs, even though I'm not sure how much gas is in it.  So, if nothing else we'll eat for a while.  I really don't know how things are gonna turn out, and I'll be honest, it's driving me fucking insane.  If I didn't have kids, I wouldn't be so worried, I'd be perfectly fine just going along with the flow of things, but I hate not having a plan in mind.  I hate not knowing where I'll be living in two weeks, if I can go back home anytime soon, fuck, I just hate not knowing when my life's going to be normal again.  And when it does get normal again, I will never take it for granted ever again.

I just realized that there's fire ants crawling all over this desk and I gotta get up before they bite me.

Well, the hurricane came through, kicked our asses, knocked out lights and water, but everyone's okay.  My mother-in-law's just got her lights back on, and one of the first things I had to do was let y'all know I was alright.  I still have a house, but there's no lights in it, so I'm here until I don't know when.  Joey should be going back to work this weekend, and maybe life can get straight again soon.  I'm just thankful that me and mine came through it okay, so many people lost everything they had that I feel rather grateful.  I'm  normally not one for short entries, but I is sharing a computer, so my time be limited.  I'll flist when I have time, don't know when that'll be, but I will get to it.  I missed you girls and I can't wait to catch up.  If anything interesting has happened, let me know.

Alright girls, I'm about to go on the missing list for a while.  Hurricane Ike is about to kick our asses and I'm packing up and going to the in-laws' house.  I live in a trailer house, much like the one Jeff Hardy had, and she lives in a real house with a concrete foundation.  Think I'm going there, thanks very much, y'know?  I don't have a clue how bad it's going to be and I have no idea if I'll even have a home when it's all over with.  So I'm going to the store tonight and stock up on water and canned food, diapers, batteries, shit like that.  Then I'm packing up me, Joe, the kids, the computer, the game system, clothes and whatever else I want to keep and going out to Momma's house.  I hope and pray with everything I've got that I'll still have a house next week.  I'm not paying any bills this week, no rent, nothing.  It'll put me horribly behind if it all turns out okay for me, but I'm not paying rent or bills on a house that might not be there in two days and I need the money for other shit.  Fuck, I really hate Mother Nature sometimes, she's such a bitch.  

I'll let you girls know what's going on as soon as I can, but that might be two or three weeks.  We're definitely going to lose electricity and probably running water for a while, so it'll take me a little while before I'll get any kind of computer access.

So, yeah, that's what's going on here, just thought I'd let y'all know.  If you're so inclined, toss a quick prayer up to God or whomever that we don't get completely fucked with this shit.  I've already done so, but it certainly won't be the last time I do.

Now it's time for a regular post.  I almost wish I had bought Unforgiven, but just almost.  Thank God Matt got the title, if I had to watch him wrestling Mark Henry for the next three or four weeks until the next PPV I think I might have boycotted WWE.  Admittedly, it's the third ranked title, but fuck, it's a world title, a first for either Hardy.  And as much as I adore the ground Jeff walks on, Matt deserved a world title more.  Of course, had Jeff won, I would have been an extremely happy fangirl, but I see him and HHH feuding over the next couple of months, from what I read of the match, that seems rather likely.  And it makes sense, considering the way SD went last week, so I still have lots of hope.

I hate writing fiction sometimes.  Actually I hate writing the details.  I've got the big picture all figured out, and I know I can skip it for the time being and come back to it, but I can't write that way.   I write in a linear fashion, from start to finish and I can't go any further until I get this snag worked out.  And it's driving me insane.  There's ways to work it out, but none of them appeal to me, nor do they really fit the characters.  So yeah, hair-pulling and cussing have been the norm for the past day or so.

For the first time in a while, I'm looking forward to Raw tonight.  Jericho as champ should make it interesting, and with Randy making appearances, and HBK going slightly nuts, yeah, Raw actually sounds good.  I don't much care that Punk lost the title, I like the guy and all, but they booked him horribly and it just wasn't as good as it could be.  And I know I'm in the minority on this, but I think Show turning on Undertaker and helping Vickie was awesome.  The woman needs some kind of back up, Taker's a big guy and could squash her quicker than a bug, so yeah, she needed some male back up.  And Chavo and the Edge Heads ain't gonna cut it.  I mean, how long could they have had Taker fucking with Vickie by herself?  With Show involved now it could be something credible and it'll give Taker something to do until Edge comes back.  So yeah, I'm all for Show and Vickie teaming up, so to speak.  As long as we don't see a bullshit match like Taker/Michelle McCool vs. Big Show/Vickie in an intergender match, I'll be happy.

I've come to the conclusion that my older kids make more of a mess than the babies.  When Austin and John go to school, I have to clean the house once and then just pick up every now and then for the rest of the day.  When they're home, my house is a disaster from the minute they get up til they go to bed.  I thought that the older they got, the less mess they made!  Shit, give me toddlers over adolescent boys any day of the week!!

I got tagged by rkowhore79  and it was music themed, I couldn't resist.  So, here, have a meme!

( Music Meme Thing )


'Twas certainly interesting to fill out, considering who's music I chose to use, but really, did any of y'all expect me to use anyone else?
</lj>

While I won't be ordering Unforgiven, I'll certainly be following along online.  I'd love to order it and watch it as it happens, but my satellite bill is in dire straits already and adding forty bucks to it would just be stupid.  So I shall haunt 411 and Gerweck for results.  It goes without saying that I want both Matt and Jeff to win, unfortunately, the only one I see winning is Matt.  Which will be ten kind of awesome and I will be so fuckin' happy, but fuck, it would be even better if Jeff won too.  Ah well, can't have everything, Matt winning will be enough.

Emily, I need to ask you a question and a favor all in one.  If I can find a working bit torrent link for a book, is there any way you could download it and then upload it somehow so I can get it?  I'd just buy the fucker, but I can't find it for less than twenty-five dollars, and I just don't have the money to spend right now and I really really wanna read it.  If there's any way you could do this, I'd be forever grateful and I'd promise you all kinds of sexual favors, but there's a small matter of the pond between us.  But I'd love you forever, seriously.

I hate hurricane season, I hate it with a passion.  We just had a scare with the last one, and now there's a new one we have to start worrying about.  It's still way down there by Cuba, but all the weather folks are swearing it's gonna hit the Gulf and we'll have to worry again.  Although I have to admit we're a hell of a lot better off than Florida or any of the islands down there.  Those poor places just get pounded by the storms, but that's a hazard of living down there.

I'm ready to give away all four of my kids, anybody want 'em?  They're free, but once you take 'em, you're stuck with 'em..........

I swear, if either Hardy wins a title Sunday night, y'all will be able to hear me fangirl squealing, no matter how far from me you might live.  Even Mac in New Zealand will be able to hear it.  If WWE is gonna pull the trigger with Matt and the ECW title, they need to do it then.  Otherwise the last three weeks have been pointless.  I read a throwaway comment in a 411 recap of ECW that I wish was true.  Dude said that if WWE awarded titles based on fan reaction only then Matt Hardy would have had more multiple and longer title reigns than HHH.  Yeah, I wish.  He and Jeff would hold the big titles, for a long time, if the fans had their way.  Too bad they won't just let us pick our champs by popular vote or something.

Speaking of voting, allow me to discourse on American politics for a minute.  Now, it ain't an international secret that Bush is an idiot, he's done a lot of harm to the economy and it generally embarrsses me that me and that man are the same species.  He's also a Republican, and to be honest, it's make me kinda growly towards Republicans in general.  Not that I love the Democrats, but at least they can't claim Bush as one of theirs.  Now with the election coming up, I've had a slight political change of heart.  McCain ain't  really impressed me yet, but I like his VP pick a lot.  Her name is Sarah Palin and she's the governor of Alaska.  She's also a member of the NRA, and is very much in favor of not taking guns out of the people's hands.  That alone wins her big points with me, I believe in the Second Amendment only behind the First.  She's also of the mind that we need to start drilling our own oil and cut down on buying the foreign shit.  Something else I completely agree with.  And the biggest thing, to me, at least?  She's married with four kids, one of them with Down's Syndrome, and her family comes before anything.  She takes her younger kids to work with her sometimes, and the baby, the one with DS, she takes him almost everywhere with her.  Her oldest daughter is pregnant, and only engaged, but she's not ashamed of her daughter.  I know that in this day and age, being pregnant and not married isn't a big deal, but when you're running for national political office, anything and everything is fodder for the opposing team.  And none of that bothers her, she's very open about her family and how important they are to her, she doesn't hide the imperfect things and she just looks like a real person, as opposed to the Wahsington stereotype.  If I do vote this year, it'll be Republican.  And I didn't ever think I'd write those words.

I'm pretty sure I've missed some entries and comments, I haven't flisted in a few days, in fact, I've barely been online.  I've had computer time, but I'm currently being consumed by vampires, the Psychopathic guys and putting the two of them together while still following canon.  So, yeah,  blood, fangs, death, soul bonds and a complicated career path have been the main things on my mind lately.  I actually had to do an outline and figure it all out before I started writing, and that's so far from the norm for me that it was almost funny.  Most times I just sit down and write, with no real plan in mind, just a vague idea of what I want the end result to be.  How I get there is pretty much made up as I go along.  But the way I want to write this fic requires that I know what's happening next, before I get there.  And fuck, is it gonna be long.  It'll cover seven or eight years and it's going to be told from five different POV's.  One starts at the beginning, then the next one takes up where the first left off and so on and so forth.  It starts back in 1995 and goes up to about 2002 or 2003.  I'd like to carry it on out until present day, but wives, girlfriends and kids make it impossible.  So I just decided to stop the fic before it got that far.  I love artistic license.......

TNA comes on tonight and hopefully there will be no football to interfere with it and I can watch it pretty much uninterrupted.  I hate football season, it totally fucks with my wrestling, being married to a football fan.  And it's not just certain teams he'll watch, if it's football, he's watching it, no matter who's playing.  The best thing about TNA is the replays.  If I miss most of it on Thursday I can just play catch-up on Saturday nights.  Hell, I've been known to watch it on Saturdays even if I saw it all on Thursday.

I have a million thanks that the damn hurricane didn't bother us.  It hit land in Louisiana and went north, instead of west and that's what saved us.  With any luck, that'll be our only hurricane scare.  Three years ago the back to back storms of Katrina and Rita just fucked us up, and I don't never want to go through that again.  True, I was only displaced for a little over a week, which is nothing compared to the Katrina victims from Mississippi and Louisiana, but with three kids, and living at the in-laws' apartment?  It wasn't fun.  It wasn't horrible, but I couldn't wait to go home.  The minute we got our lights and running water back, I was home.  I'm pretty used to running my house and being in full charge of everything, and it was just really hard to reign that in and let my mother-in-law run her own house.  Not that she does much of anything different than me, I just kept wanting to step in and do everything myself.

I had forgotten that babies can argue.  Josh and Kimmi are currently in two different rooms, yelling "Yes" and "No" at each other.  I have no idea what it's about, but Kimmi is determined that whatever it is, she's not doing it.  It's really kinda cute, once your ears get used to the noise level.  Both of them are so fucking stubborn, neither willing to give an inch, and while it's good that they're willing to stand firm on what they believe, I see another fifteen years of playing referee and settling a zillion squabbles a day.  The good news is, I have plenty of practice, dealing with Austin and John.  Those two fight like no one's business, and it's physical as hell.  No holds barred, extreme rules all the time with them.  I've started getting down to their level, just beating their ass in any way I can when they get like that.  Both of them have felt my fists (not hard, but enough to get their attention and think  "Holy shit, Mom's punching us, we must have fucked up something awful.)  and I have no problem locking a submission down on their asses either.  Nothin' like a Figure Four or a Sharpshooter, but I get their limbs contained and just hold them still until they've calmed down some.  I tell ya, life is a never ending cycle of bullshit and drama around here most days.  And I wouldn't change a bit of it.

SInce it's Jeffro's birthday and I don't have fic, I suck, I know, blame my other muses, I decided to follow rkowhore79 's example and do a picspam.  I can't promise that they're pics that no one's seen, I tend to get mine from the same places as everyone else, but I gotta do something for the man.  I love him to pieces and he deserves everything good in life that he has.  And turning 31 sucks, lemme tell you.  30 is bad, 'cause it's the end of your 20's, but 31 just cements the fact that you're getting older.  It's depressing.  Not that Jeff acts like he's 31, he reminds me of a 25 year old still.  So, yeah, Jeff picspam.

( Jeff, Jeffy, Jeffro, Jeffra, whatever you want to call him...... )

Remember me bitching not too long ago about needing a day off?  Well, either Joey's been reading my LJ somehow or the kids said something, 'cause I got a day off yesterday.  Joey got up with the babies, let me sleep til almost ten o'clock, cooked me breakfast and then I got to lounge around on my bed all day, watching TV (mainly the Lord of the Rings trilogy), reading, and basically just doing nothing.  Joe and the boys took care of the babies, I had no diapers to change, no sippy cups to worry with, Joe cooked dinner last night and it was fucking awesome.  I needed that so very much.  I am now a much more relaxed person and I feel like I can be Momma again without all the stress.  It's really amazing what just one day off can do for a person.  I need that about once every two weeks or so.  I would say every week, but no sense in being greedy.  Once every two or three weeks would do me fine.

I also watched a rather interesting documentary on supposed real-life vampires, although I don't believe vampires are real, the concept fascinates me.  Of course, they didn't prove that vampires are real, but there are some people that truly believe they're vampires.  They drink blood and swear that they feel more powerful afterwards, they have real fangs, although how was never explained, and a couple of them even claimed to be really undead.  I think they're delusional as hell, but who am I to judge?  It was doubly interesting to me since one of the fics I'm working on is a vampire fic featuring my four favorite Psychopathic guys.  The whole vampire thing just works really well with them, and of course it's slash.  Of course it's gonna be fun working around the fact Jay and Shaggy are both fathers, Shaggy's actually married and Jay's got a long-time girlfriend.  I hate it when real-life relationships fuck up the slash.

Today is the first day of school for Austin and John, and it's also the first year I didn't take them to school, they caught the bus.  I feel kinda lost, to be honest.  They're growing up and I gotta learn to let them go, even if I really don't want to.  They don't need me like they used to, and while it's good for them and for me, I can't help but feel sad.  But thank God my days can have some kind of routine now.  House cleaning won't be nearly as difficult if it's just me and the babies most of the time.  John and Austin make bigger messes than the babies and I have less people to cook lunch for, and maybe I can get the little ones back in the habit of taking a nap every day.  Although I don't hold my breath on that last one, Josh is three and a half and he's about ready to give up his naps anyway.

I have the strangest feeling my nephew, Trinity, is going to be a permanent resident in my house soon.  He called me the other night asking if he could use my computer to do his GED stuff, it's some kind of program that helps him get ready for it with practice tests and all that.  And there's like, four or five computers where he lives now.  But he wants to come over here to do it.  Add in the fact he went off on his mom the other day and told her exactly what he thought of her, none of it pleasant to say the least.  Trinity's been smoking weed with his sister, who's fourteen, and when their mom found out, she had a fit.  Which makes her a hypocrite from hell 'cause when Trin was fourteen and smoking weed, it was perfectly okay.  And Trinity basically told her about herself and that she sucked as a mother.  And I have to agree.  Tracy did her kids wrong and now she's paying for it.    I firmly believe that some women just aren't meant to have kids and Tracy is one of them.  Why God saw fit to grant her with three, I'll never understand, but I suppose He had His reasons.  So, yeah, I fully expect the "Can I come live with you?" call any day now.  And of course, I'll say  "Sure, do I need to come get you?"

And now that I've rambled on about absolutely nothing, I'm off to surf the wrestling news sites and see if anything interesting has happened in the last day or two. 

I found this on 411mania.com and I didn't know whether to laugh or be pissed off. 

Louis Jones drops off a thought:

Yo Domingo, just thought I pass on something interesting I've noted.

Over the past year, Matt Hardy has feuded with MVP, then Shelton, and now Mark Henry and Tony Atlas. Jeff Hardy, has done the same, feuding right now with Shelton and MVP, and having a confrontation with Henry and Atlas at the the PPV.

Boy, I guess hating on the black man was something they picked up from Micheal Hayes back when he managed them.

Just my thought

Once Matt feuds with Burke and Boogeyman, THEN I'll buy into the theory. Actually this is either a sound theory based on "The New Brood" being a modern day KKK or …the Hardyz just toil in the mid-card forever. Team Xtreme…racists.

Yeah, give me a break, please.  I've known racists in my life, true blue KKK candidates, an unavoidable and unpleasant side effect of living in the South, and Matt 'n Jeff don't come close to qualifying.  I wish I would have caught this when he posted the comment originally.  I simply would have asked him if he had ever heard of kayfabe, storylines, booking decisions, and the Creative team.  It's not like they get to pick who they want to feud with. Idoit.

And just 'cause I can, and this has nothing to do with revenge, Sabrina, nothing at all, a picspam.

( Black and White Paint...... )

 
TNA was pretty good last night, I enjoyed it muchly.  And to avoid spoiling it for Emily and Debs, I won't say anymore about it, except I intend to catch the replay of it tomorrow night.  And I get to watch SD tonight in relative peace, Joey is taking Austin fishing for his birthday.  Yes, they fish at night, and it's an all night deal.  He's never taken Austin before, so that definitely qualifies it as special enough to be a birthday present.  Joey's not real hands on with the kids, he pretty much leaves all that to me, so when he does decide to do things like take them fishing and whatnot, it's pretty special to them.  The only part of it I hate is I have to cook what they catch and I can't stand fish.  At least I don't have to skin 'em and gut 'em, that would send me running for the bathroom.

Man, if my head gets any more crowded, I'm gonna have to evict some of these fuckers.  I got all my wrestlers, and that list keeps getting longer, it seems, I have two Edges now.  The normal one and the new psycho one that I adore.  And somehow John Morrison has taken up residence, where the fuck he came from I don't know, but he's there and not leaving, I don't think.  On top of that, Twiztid, another horrorcore rap duo on Psychopathic, ICP's label, have moved in, thanks to my great love of Jamie Madrox.  That man just speaks to me, and he's fuckin' hilarious on top of it.  Monoxide's pretty awesome too, but Madrox is why I fell in love with Twiztid.  And thanks to my darling Sabrina (I'm still talking to the Clowns about revenge)  Rupert Grint has decided that my head would be a good place to live.  I  DO NOT need a Rupert Grint, I thought I was done with Harry Potter.  Well, I just hope he's ready for excessive use of the word "fuck" and some really disturbing imagery that seems to be part of me now.

God, where do I start with the wrestling?  The Hardys, of course, where else?  These idiots in WWE are gonna make Matt chase this title for God knows how long, and while I'm damn sure he'll get it at some point and time, it's gonna be painful to watch him being beat by Mark Henry over and over until he does get it.  Not that I'm complaining about getting to watch Matt wrestle every week, but I hate to see him lose, y'know?

And a thousand whoops of glee that Jeff's in the big title picture on SD.  I was scared that they were gonna stick him in some kind of three way fued for the US title with MVP and Benjamin.  Not that I would mind seeing Jeff wear gold again, but I'd rather it be the big title.  And hey, HHH has already put Jeff over, who's to say he won't do it again?  Hope springs eternal and all that.

For once I'm looking forward to SD for a reason other than a Hardy.  Psycho!Edge is awesome and I hope he stays this way for a long while.  Not that I would necessarily want that psychotic shit turned on me, but it sure is hot to watch.  I hope that between Edge and Creative they come up with some truly henious shit.

And in TNA news, Gail Kim is supposedly gone from the roster.  I don't know if it's a work or not, like Kaz's "departure," but if she is gone, I'll be upset.  It's no secret the Knockouts are my favorite part of TNA, except for AJ and Karen, and Gail Kim was a damn good wrestler.  For her to be as small as she is and still look credible against Kong is amazing.

The last few days have been an exercise in patience and counting to ten numerous times during the day.  Not only did I give up my weed, I started my period and they're always a bitch for me.  And they last for a full week, no three days and I'm done around here.  If I had teeth, my tongue would be bloody from me biting it so much.

On top of that, school starts Monday for my two oldest, and trying to stretch the budget to accomdate school clothes and supplies is driving me crazy.  And that's only half my kids, when the other two start school I don't know what I'm gonna do.  But no sense in borrowing trouble, Josh won't start pre-kindergarten until next year, and God knows what my life's gonna be like by then.  Maybe l'll win the lottery between now and then.  Of course, I gotta buy a ticket or two first.

I've been trying to teach Josh and Kimmi their letters and numbers, and it's coming along, but I've noticed something that really surprises me.  Kimmi "gets" it quicker than Josh.  She talks as much as he does, and he's almost a full year older than her.  She's been Little Miss Independent for months now, and Josh is just now getting to the point he wants to do things himself.  I always heard that little girls develop faster than boys, but I never believed it til now.  To just watch them, and not know which one is older, they're about the same size, you'd think Kimmi was the older one.  It's odd, but I'm kinda enjoying it.

And speaking of kids, I have to go be Momma now.  I'd give almost anything for a day off.  Just 24 hours where I don't have to cook, clean, referee fights, change diapers, make sippy cups, take Josh to the bathroom, none of it.  I want just one day, but it won't happen.  The only time Joey thinks I need a day off is Mother's Day.  One day a year, wow, that's so much.  I guess he thinks since i stay home all day anyway, I don't need any time off since I don't actually have a job.  He just has no real idea of what it's like to be fully in charge of four strong-willed kids on a 24/7 basis.